hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
