its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
