I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
