And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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