You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
True strength comes from lack of pants
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