dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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