You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
