I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
