people are starting to question the shark bite story
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
