the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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