is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
