dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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