the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
