dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
