I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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