VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
