Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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