im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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