You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
