My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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