If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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