I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
