i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think people are normalizing furries
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
