his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
