Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
