I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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