saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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