a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
pop tarts are not kleenex
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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