I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Randomize
