You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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