Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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