I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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