Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
