ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It's never too late to be topless.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
