so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
