my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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