We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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