He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
