Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
