Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
