He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
