Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Randomize
