I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
