That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
