i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
