I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
