My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
