i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
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