Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
