no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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