You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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