So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
