Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
