dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
