She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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