just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
