I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
